How To Stop Being Insecure
A highschooler’s guide to confidence
I’d say one of the most difficult things to do as a human being is accepting ourselves and our mistakes. It’s not an easy feat to love yourself, especially with all the trends on social media these days. I’m referring to the hourglass figures, the C size breasts, and the perfect, smoothest skin. Then, of course, there’s the perm, the six-packs, and a jawline.
I must credit our society and this generation for being far more accepting and loving of bodies of all sizes and shapes. But we often go out of our ways to look good for others when in reality, all we need to do is look good for ourselves.
Stop Trying To Change Society and Start Changing Yourself
I used to think that “society” needed to change, that it’s “society’s” fault that these bodies are idealized. What I failed to realize then was that society is made up of individuals who collectively reach a consensus about something. We all agreed to idealize these bodies in one way or another. Though we might not like it, we go on pretending as we do in the fear of being judged. So if we want to make any reform in society, it starts with us. It starts with you. As corny as that sounds, it is true.
You cannot change society unless you change yourself. in this case, that’s your mindset. No one can change your mindset but you, so I cannot tell you how to do that. All I can tell you is that it takes time and effort but it’s worth it.
If you want society to idealize productivity, healthy and controlled eating, exercising to maintain good health, and meditating or doing yoga to reflect and take time to simply sit there, then you must do that too. Once you achieve that lifestyle, inflict that upon the people around you.
We cannot idealize “perfect” bodies as well and eating unhealthy and binge-watching TV shows all day if we don't want society to do so.
Make An Effort
Even as these “perfect” bodies are idealized, it doesn't mean your body is any less. But if you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, do the best of your abilities to change that. If you like what you see and don’t feel the need to change, then don’t. There’s no harm in changing or keeping yourself the way you are. What’s important is that you like the way you are.
If you don’t like the way you talk to people, if you feel that you always end up hurting them, change that. If you feel you disappoint all the time then fix that. Give yourself time but create a goal, pave a path. Work on yourself.
Most individuals don’t like how they look, and it’s a pity. But while they want those “perfect” bodies, that healthy lifestyle, they at the same time don’t want to put in the effort it takes to make that for themselves. They want to mope about it but make no start. It doesn’t make sense to me because when I ask, “Why don’t you do that?” they say they “can’t”, and the word “can’t” gets to me.
I like to think that insecurity has a lot to do with our mindsets. See, it took a while for me to change my mindset and recognize that I truly don’t give a shit about what others have to say about how I look or act-now having said that, it’s important to be able to take constructive criticism as well. There’s always something to better. It’s not that you can’t, it’s that you don’t want to. You can do anything you set your mind to, but you must first, set your mind to it.
No One Can Do It But You
We often idealize a perfect guy/girl coming along and loving us, changing how we look at ourselves but no one can change your mindset but you. I know, I keep repeating it but it is true. They might help eliminate some of your insecurities but it starts with you. It starts with you saying that you want that change. That you want that for yourself.
Along the way, there will be plenty of people who might help us in making that journey and getting through it. But it has to be you who gets through it. Don’t expect anyone to “fix” you, you gotta’ do that part yourself.
Surround Yourself With Positive People
This one would be one of the most difficult things to do, especially in high school. Most teenagers are not in that positive mindset yet. And if they are, then they fail to take advantage of it to do something good for themselves.
You can never really find positive people. But what you can do is attempt to learn something from negative ones. I personally do think that it’s important to have an outer-outer circle of individuals who are in some ways, negative. I sincerely believe that there’s something to learn from everyone, negative and positive. You might learn what not to do and how not to be, and vice versa. You must experience everything, and take away only what is to be taken away from it.
Accept Your Past
Many times people believe that the pain and misery they inflict upon themselves is well deserved for their actions in the past. I’ve had people say to me, “I was a terrible person, I’ve hurt so many people. I deserve what I’m getting right now.” It hurts me to see that they think that way because they haven’t changed. They still are that terrible person except the person they’re harming now is themselves.
We have to realize that it’s okay to screw up. We aren’t perfect, no one is. But what’s important is that we learn from our mistakes. The key is to learn. We have to learn that being a better person does not mean being nice to everyone but yourself.
I used to have a lot of regrets, though I am only sixteen years old. But I used to think, “I should’ve done that” or the opposite. “I shouldn’t have said that” and vice versa. Thinking like that got me nowhere, just left me feeling empty. What I learned is that I must be mindful of what I say when and to who. I learned that to have no regrets, you cannot refrain from doing something and then wishing you did it, you just gotta’ do it. It is a given that you must pay heed to what that something might impact. Don’t be reckless, but don’t be too cautious. It’s all about finding a balance.
Recognize that the past is in the past, and all you have right now is the present. This moment, this second. That’s what you must live in, mentally. You cannot think about the past because it made you who are today. Thank it for that. There may be a million negative aspects to it but what did it teach you? What do you know now thanks to that event or that moment?
It’s not an easy journey, loving, and accepting yourself. There are many things I still don’t accept about myself, like my anger or the grudges I might hold. I still don’t have the kind of balance I want but I am working towards it. And that’s all that matters. There’s a lot I’ve yet to do and doing that means moving on. Like my mother says, stagnant water stinks.
